No Respect and Backyard Breeders

The Alpha Bitch entered the house approximately 7 pm EST on September 26,2007 and my life was never quite the same. Laura, whom I shall refer to as the Dog Whisperer only because she trained with the now famous Cesar Milan before he knew English, was hired by Todd and I to fix some "problems" we seemed to be having with the dog. Turns out the problem really isn't with the dog but with us, mostly me. It really sucked having Alpha Bitch turn to me and say, "Your dog does not respect you." I felt like saying, "No shit, that's why your here." But she was scary and dog-trained with an Isreali army sergeant who used to kick her in the ass with steal toe boots when she did something wrong. Oh, and she's also worn a pincher collar around her neck to see how the dogs feel.

Alpha Bitch began to look around and take stock of everything. Within minutes, I had dutifullyfilled up a whole page of notes.

List of Things We Do Wrong

1. Don't Buy a Dog Online

"I researched the .com and it's nothing but a backyard breeder w/ a broker. Consider yourselves lucky. Your dog has a nice temperment and a good disposition.

2. Too Many Toys

"The dog gets one stuffy and one chewy and that's it."

3. Wrong Type of Dog food
"Look at the second ingredient and tell me what it is. CORN. Dogs don't need corn."

4. Being on Floor with Dog

"You're no longer the pack leader."

5. Saying Sit More than Once

"When you say it six times she will always wait to sit until the 6th time."

6. Crate's Too Small

"Why don't you have the 46 inch?"

7. All the Wrong Toys, All the Wrong Bones

"No raw hide, No pull toys, No ripped up t-shirts, No old shoes (OLD SHOES! Are you guys kidding me?), No old socks, No stuffed animals with parts (Throw this Squirrel out!)

That hurt, I almost pulled Squirrely out of the trash.

8. No Water After 8:30pm

"Your dog can only hold it as many hours as months she is old. Then tack on an hour."

9. No More Tail Chasing

"It's not pleasant, nobody wants to see that and it turns into obsessive behavior."

So I guess we can't do this any more

Or This